After Survival: Growing Beyond the Life That Almost Took You
This blog post was written by Liluye COO, Monica Griffin, who is an accomplished business strategist, survivor advocate, and behavioral health coach dedicated to empowering individuals affected by human trafficking.
Alienship. Healing. Becoming.
National Human Trafficking Awareness and Prevention Month reminds us: Freedom is not just escape. It’s what happens after.
There is a moment no one prepares you for…not the rescue…not the escape…not the court dates, the counseling sessions, or the paperwork that finally says you’re free. The moment after. The moment when the danger is gone, but so is the identity that kept you alive.
Today, I want to talk about something quieter. Something lonelier, but just as critical…Alienship. That feeling of being alive but not belonging anywhere anymore.
When Survival No Longer Fits
Awareness isn’t only about seeing exploitation. It’s about recognizing what survival leaves behind.
Survival teaches you how to read rooms. How to anticipate danger. And, how to attach quickly, or disappear faster.
Survival sharpens instincts that once saved your life…and then, slowly, begins to isolate you from it.
You walk into spaces where people talk about “normal” problems and you nod, but inside you feel like an outsider observing a different species.
You’re not broken. You’re not dramatic. You’re not ungrateful for being alive.
You’re becoming; and becoming is disorienting.
Alienship is what happens when you’ve outgrown the life that hurt you, but haven’t yet learned how to live without the armor.
Healing Is a Permission
At Liluye, healing begins with permission…not pressure, not performance, not proof.
At Liluye, we talk about healing not as a destination, but as a permission. Permission to slow down. Permission to feel without being fixed. And, permission to exist without explanation.
We create safe, survivor-centered spaces where healing is not rushed or prescribed, and
where survivors are allowed to heal at their own pace, to be seen without performing,
to be heard without interruption, and to thrive without having to prove their worth.
Because healing doesn’t begin with pressure. It begins with safety. And, safety is what allows becoming.
The Struggles After the Life
National Human Trafficking Awareness and Prevention Month is not just about rescue. It’s about what happens when the control is gone but the patterns remain.
Here’s the truth we don’t say out loud enough: Freedom can be terrifying.
Because when no one is controlling you anymore, you have to decide who you are without the chaos. After “the life,” many survivors struggle with:
• Over-attachment to unsafe people.
• Confusing intensity with intimacy.
• Feeling “too much” or “not enough” in healthy spaces.
• Guilt for surviving when others didn’t.
• Shame for missing parts of a life you hated, but understood.
This is where healing continues. Because unhealed survival patterns don’t disappear. They migrate.
Why We Become Magnets for Monsters
Awareness means understanding patterns, not blaming survivors for repeating what once kept them alive.
I am writing Magnet for Monsters because I needed language for something I kept repeating but didn’t yet understand.
When chaos feels familiar, peace can feel unsafe.
When love once came with conditions, healthy love can feel boring—or suspicious.
When you were trained to earn worth through endurance, you may unconsciously seek people who demand it.
This does not mean survivors attract harm because of weakness. It means survivors were trained for endurance, not ease.
Healing isn’t about blaming yourself for who found you. It’s about learning why your nervous system mistook danger for belonging.
Growing Out of Alienship
Prevention doesn’t stop at escape. It continues through belonging.
Here’s the good news: Alienship is not permanent. It’s a passage. You grow out of it by:
• Sitting with safety long enough for it to feel real.
• Choosing boredom over chaos (at first).
• Allowing yourself to be seen without performing survival.
• Building community that doesn’t need your pain to validate your presence.
• Letting go of the identity that says, “I only matter when I’m enduring something.”
At Liluye, we believe healing doesn’t stop at escape. It continues through belonging, economic independence, identity rebuilding, and community re-entry that honors who you were—without trapping you there.
Becoming After the Life
Survivors are not broken people learning to cope. They are whole people learning how to live without harm as the baseline.
Becoming is slow. It’s awkward. And, it’s full of grief for the version of you that survived when no one else protected you.
But it is also sacred.
You are not late to your life.
You are not behind.
You are not damaged goods learning how to function.
You are a human being learning how to live without harm as your baseline. And, that is brave!
Real Talk
If peace feels unfamiliar, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your nervous system is learning something new.
If you feel out of place right now…
If healthy love feels unfamiliar…
If peace feels louder than chaos ever was…
You are not regressing. You are rewiring.
National Human Trafficking Awareness and Prevention Month is about more than awareness. It’s about building lives that no longer require survival mode.
At Liluye, we don’t just support healing. We protect the Becoming.
Survival was never the end of the story. It’s the beginning…
To learn more about Monica’s work and our leadership: https://liluye.org/team/
For more information about Liluye or to inquire about becoming a partner, please visit: www.liluye.org/contact. Or, if you are interested in donating to Liluye, please visit: www.liluye.org/donate.